I basically got an account just so I could get some advice on this problem that I’m having…
My best friend is a cutter. Now, I don’t know anything about cutting or depression or anything like that but I know cutting is a serious issue.
She started cutting in high school (about five years ago) and she stopped. She went through a lot of crap in high school which made her self-esteem plummet and she suffers from anxiety attacks, and her family has a history of mental conditions. She used to be a gymnist but she stopped gymnastics because of her bad bones in grade nine. And the result of it was bad joints, bones, and large upper arms. The arms is her major problem. Becuase of them, she doesn’t wear short-sleeved shirts, or dresses, or anythign that bares her arms. And her upper arms is where she cuts. I was always friends with her but we became best friends after graduating highschool. That’s when she confided in me her past (she cut, she was a binge eater, was severely depressed and suffered from mental attacks due to her being on improper use of birth control) but she told me that she was over it. And for a little bit, she was.
But last winter, she again, got depressed (she doesnt know what the cause was) and made an attempt at suicide, but backed out at the last minute. Then she went through a feeling okay phase. I spent a good summer with her and we had a lot of fun. By the end of summer though she started feeling “fat” again. I’d just like to say that she is five feet tall and weighs less then 110 pounds and believe me, she is petite. Her arms are muscular though due to gymnastics.
So I told her to come with me to the gym. I’d been going for the last two years consistently and although I didn’t lose a lot of weight (I wasn’t looking to, anyway), the gym makes me feel good about myself. She agreed and got a gym membership. Every week, while we walked home from the gym together, she would say things like “So it’s been 2/3/4 weeks, and I haven’t lost anything. I might as well give up.” But she kept on going.
Then a few months ago she started to tell me that if she didn’t look perfect by the time she was thirty, she would just die. She said she didn’t understand how older people could be “fat” and be okay with themselves. And she said stuff about giving up and why should she bother trying at anything. She would say it jokingly, but it scared me. And then she told me she started cutting. She did it two times in a period of about three months. This was last month, and she hasn’t been cutting since then. I told her that she needs to talk to her psychologist and I’ve told her (the obvious) that cutting is not the solution…And she tells me that since im not a cutter i dont understand what it’s like. She says the cutting she does is not the suicide-type but it’s a release from the pain. She says she would turn to alcohol instead but her father is an alcoholic so she doesnt do it. She tells me that it’s harmless.
And…I just DON’T know what to do. I feel like I should tell her family if it’s life-threatening but her cutting isn’t life-threatening. She’s not suicidal anymore (but she may become, again…), and her cutting is just when she’s feeling down and like she says, her way of “dealing.”
I’m very frusterated and sad when it comes to her because she always says things like “I’m so fat. I need to lose weight.” She won’t go out with other people because she feels self-conscious.
She also is trying to control her binging habits from high school. She mostly has it under control because she is over the severe depression of her past but there are times (like the times she cuts) when she eats and eats. after she eats she gets so angry with herself.
And to top it all off, I don’t know what sickness this is but I KNOW THAT IT IS. She takes supplements and vitamins by the bulk. She says they’re natural but I don’t care. She takes about twenty pills a day and I don’t understand WHY. I’m not sure what her family is thinking. They see the bottles of pills but I’m not sure they really know what she’s doing.
I love her to death. I don’t deal with any of these problems, I’ve always been healthy and I’m an advocate of the gym and it works for me. I’ve tried helping her in the way that I know works for me. She seems okay (emotionally) these days but I’m sure her problems will come back and her cutting and everything else.
Plus her attitude with life and herself is affecting me. I like the way that I am but there are days where I’m bloated and jealous of the girl walking down the street with thin legs and I’ll say it and she’ll look at me and say “yep, you need to lose weight”. The thing is I KNOW i don’t have to lose weight but when your best friend says that you should…It sucks.
Actually, just yesterday, we worked out for a good hour and I like to treat myself to steaming or using the sauna after a workout. So we were putting on our bathing suits and (she and I tried out a new gym) when it came down to using the steam room, we had to walk past the pool. We basically had to walk twenty steps to get into the room but she couldnt do it because she was in a bathing suit and couldnt bear the thought of walking past people (mainly, guys) in her suit. So I had to give up the steam room, and left the gym kind of bummed. But I find myself spending a lot of time with her to cheer her up and help her, and I’m not complaining…she and I get along fantastic and she truly does care about me, but I feel like she’s kind of a burden. I absolutely hate to put it that way, but it’s the way that I feel.
Sorry for the rambling!!! I just feel like I need to vent. There are a bunch of things in this post and I don’t really know which to focus on so I kind of wrote a whole bunch of everything.
Anybody who has advice for me, I would greatly appreciate it.
